Posts (page 2)
My wallet was stolen as I was boarding the CTA train last night. The funny thing about this is I realized that happened when I opened my purse to help a poor guy with a few bucks for a CTA card. The fact that I was trying to do a good deed and got robbed pissed me off. How is this fair? One of my friends recently went through an identity theft situation. She is one of the sweetest people I know and she'd never hurt anyone. Where is the justice in this world? Seriously, Last night I was cursing up a storm about those bastards who took my money and ruined my life and how I wanted to watch them suffer. They went somewhere called the Union, and charged $92 within an hour of getting the card. Even if they didn't lift the wallet from my purse; if it fell to the ground and they picked it up that debit card didn't belong to them Who are they to party it up in some Lincoln Park trixie bar at my expense? and why didn't the bartender at the Union ask them for ID? Did he know them or did he let those little trixies charge away in the hopes of getting laid? I have been trying so hard these past few months to curb my own partying to a minimum to save money and I suffer the consequences anyway. This is bullshit! What if I took on the same attitude? What if I decided it is okay now for me to just steal from people ? I now have 83 cents to my name. Perhaps I will just grab someone elses debit card and party it up at the Union. They apparently don't check ID too carefully.
When will Lent be over? I wish it would just be Easter already. This is the first year since I was a little girl that I observed Lent. I decided to make up for lost time by giving up both drinking and diet coke. This was a HUGE mistake.! I gave up weed as my new year's resolution, and perhaps it is too much for my brain to handle being off of weed, booze AND caffine! I am not myself these days. Things that usually don't bother me piss me off. For example, I am in the internet cafe and the owners are talking amongst themselves in Spanish. I just want to scream at them to SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!! Of course, this is their business, so this would be totally inappropriate. How did I ever live without my vices? I tell myself to suck it up, that there are others who go without much more important things, like food and shelter. Besides, I am a healthier person in the end for my lifestyle changes.
Meanwhile, I am in a prepetual bad mood. Everyday at work, I have to bite my tongue to keep from telling someone to fuck themselves. Sometimes, It is a client, sometimes it is a co-worker or even a member of management. I fear that one day my anger will get the best of me, and I will tell the wrong person off and lose my job or get beaten up.
Thank God Easter comes in two weeks.
I gave up drinking for Lent. This is the first time I have observed Lent in years. Does giving up something you love make you a better person? Will I go to Hell because I got caught up in the moment and had a few to celebrate a friend's birthday on Friday? Last night I went to the pub near work with my friend Cass Money. The bartender there served me a lovely cherry limeade. I loved it because it looked alchaholic enough that I didn't look like I wasn't drinking. I do have a reputation to live down to you know. On a funny note, the bartender knew Mr. 4am. SHe couldn't remember his name, but she could describe him to a t, and said he was a total douchebag. . It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside to know others think he is an asshole, too.
I think there is something in cherry limeade that makes you hallucinate. I had the craziest dream last night. I was rollling into the driveway of my grandmother's country farm and saw a note about the doorbell. It said "KATE, I HATE YOU, GO AWAY!" It was from my friend Tiana, because we had a fight in the dream. When I walked into the house, it was no longer my grandmother's. I was inside my college sorority. This is hillarious because my grandma lives in a quaint old country farm house and my college sorority was a sterile, brick university building. The two couldn't be any more different. Everyone was crowded by the TV because they announced that Mel Gibson was dead. Now, I know Mel Gibson is a famous man, but you'd think they announced the dealth of President Obama or or Martians took over the world. Everyone was in traction with shock and sadness. It was one of those times where the moment was frozen and you remembered what you were doing and where you were. I was trying to arrange a memorial movie night, but nobody would listen to me. I was truly invisible. I would talk and hear my words disappear into thin air. I ran into Jason. He was on his cell phone making funeral arrangements. Meanwhile, they announced that a serial killer was using Mel Gibson's death as an excuse to kill sorority girls. After I couldn't get anyone to remember Mel Gibson with me, I retired to room. A pair of hands grabbed my waist form behind in the dark. The next thing I remember was waking up in my room surrounded by people. Someone was telling them I had been through a rough night and needed to rest. ALthough I was sleeping, the whole thing seemed so real. I "Woke up" feeling like I had been up all night. I could remember walking down the sorority house halls trying to talk to people. I can vividly remember the hands that grabbed me in the dark. What happened to me? Did I fall victim to the Mel Gibson memorial killer? Did Mel Gibson fake his death and start killing sorority girls? Does my friend Tiana hate me in real life? Has the Zeta Gamma chapter of Phi Mu taken over my grandmother's place now that she is in a nursing home?
I do not understand these things. Maybe I should just stick to blacking out on booze.
Jason, Jude, Micheli, Ericka, Erica Tom, Tom Tom, Ami, Tony and others have all been raving about this thing called Facebook. It's the new rage. Everyone is on Facebook, like they were on MySpace before and Friendster before that. After a great deal of tribidation, I am considering joing Facebook. . I had many concerns about all of this cyber networking. What if my clients or managers from work find my page and don't like something I see? What if my parents find my page? What if one of my sisters finds it and blackmails me? What if some psycho stocker ex boyfriend or annoying former roommate finds me? Facebook puts me on blast to God and everyone. I have heard rumors of companies not hiring job candidates because of "incriminating" information on their Facebook. All of these fears are somewhat valid, but there is really only one true reason I have not become a cyber networking addict. I fear global cyber rejection. Seriously, I was not the most popular kid in school. In fact, I was a social outcast and my goal in life for eighteen years was getting the F**K out of Hemingford, Nebraska. Someimes the only thing that kept me sane was the knowledge that my status as a social pariah was neither global nor permanent. All I had to do was move to a new location, get a makeover and I was sure to have massive instant popularity. What if I have no friends or only a few while everyone else has hundreds? Some really cool person might want to be my friend but decide not to because I am not "in" They might think: "Herbalstarkist seems like she would be cool, but she only has 3 cyber friends. Something must be wrong with her." Maybe I will get on Facebook and have lots of friends, then someone from my old high school or college days will tell people what I was like then. Maybe people will de-friend me because of my past social failures.
God bless Vox!!!! Although Vox is every bit as global as Facebook or MySpace, (if not more) it is, for me a site for writing and ranting, rather than networking and hooking up. Here, I don't feel pressured have more than a select group of friends and neighbors. I have never had onyone here tell me they did not want to be my friend. I have never heard of potential employers and clients holding anyone's Vox site against them. This blog is my therapy. It is the only place where I say what I want without obsessing about whether or not others appreciate or agree with my thoughts. Because I do not hear about Vox much in the general public, I can hold onto the illusion that I have millions or readers worldwide. The masses have not glommed onto my deep literary content because they are not on Vox yet. Once they come find me, I will have trillions of adoring fans! or I might have none.
We tell white lies every day, but have you ever told a big lie, and if so, why did you do it? Confess!
Submitted by Sophie.
The biggest lie I have ever told is lying about my age. When I am out and about, I tend to shave off 5-10 years from my true age. When I turned 40, I had a huge party and invited everyone from my job out clubbing. Everyone was shocked when they found out my age, and I notice a subtle "drop in my stock" overall after my true age came out. It wasn't aything that would stand up in age discrimination court, but I noticed it all the same. From now on, I'm as young as I feel on any given day.
Happy Mardi Gras! Saturday, I went to the Mystic Krewe of Laff's annual Mardi Gras festivities at the Chicago Culture Center. Two years ago my former co-worker Tony C invitied my sold a couple of tickets to my friend Ami and I. The theme that year was Mother Goose, and I regretted noy bringing my camera. This year, I made sure not to made that mistake again. The theme was "Boneyard Boogie Bash". For the bargain price of $40, you got Cajun food, Zydeco and brass band music and, of course, a bottomless glass of hurricaines (aka slurricaines). Best of all, all profits raised went to help the victims of Hurricaine Katrina. Check out these great photos! They include me (of course) My friend Marlena G, and my former co-worker Tony. There are also many of others whos names I do not know.
Happy Belated International Singles Awareness Day! (aka Valentine's Day)
In honor of this dubious occasion, I am currently reading a book called Single State of the Union. It is edited by Diane Mapes, and contains various essays on single womanhood by Margaret Cho and other female writers. The back cover of the book asks:
"Are single women happy individualists, Neurotic man-hunters? Crazed cat ladies? Are they confused or content? Bitter or better off? "
Why is it that every book or article I read on single womanhood either reinforces age old stereotypes or replaces them with new ones that are equally depressing? Who is Diane Mapes? Remind me to google this woman. I have a bone or two to pick with her.
First of all, I am a crazy cat lady. That's right. I love my cat and I am not ashamed to admit it! I greet him every night at the door of my single girl studio apartment and coo to him in that annoying high pitched baby-talk voice most people save for neices and grandkids they haven't seen in awhile. When I had my land line phone I would call and leave him messages on my answering machine if I was going to be late getting home. Yes, I would smooch into the phone about how I LOVE my little Sammyluvluv. This vey act ruined my chances to hook up with the hot IT guy I was into at my job a few years ago (well, that and he had a girlfriend...LOL) I often have long loving talks with my cat. He's been part of my life longer than all of my friends and so-called friends put together. I know he's not going to divulge my dirtiest secrets, or make a play for my lover. Hell, his worst act of betrayal would be to hack up a hairball in the middle of my bed if I get home too late from the bar.
Yes, I live in a studio apartment. Studio apartments get a bad rap in my opinion. I love them. They're small and easy to keep clean. I would much rather reside alone in a studio apartment than share a house with annoying roommates. Furthermore, I think home ownership is overrated. In fact the American economy is in a shambles now because so many people were convinced that they must own homes if they were ever to amount to anything. How is it called building equity in something if you're spending your waking life at a job you can't stand paying on an interest only mortgage and credit cards? Talk about oweing your soul to the company store! When I was making better money two years ago a friend told me I needed to get a condo. Why? Do I really want to fix my own toilet and leaky roof and still have to contend with noisy upstairs neighbors and nosey downstairs neighbors? Hell No! I'd rather take that monthly assessment fee and spend it in Jamaica or Paris or...anywhere!
Oh, remind me to improve my writing skills. In order to be a happy, successful single woman I must become a successful writer. Now, I've always identified myself as a successful writer, but I have a Vox blog and two locally published poetry chapbooks that may have been read by less than 20 people worldwide. This doesn't stand up to working for The Wall Street Journal or doing that occasional freelance piece for The New Yorker ? Life as an urban single woman over thirty doesn't seem nearly as hip and sexy when you're working in a call center, and I am WAAAAAYYYYYYY too old to play girl Friday at some chic little office. I also need to change my name to Susan, Suzanne, Jane or Rachel. It seemed that many of the book's contributing authors had one of those names or another. Are Susans and Janes better writers than the rest of us? Hmmm....
Yes, I must become a high profile writer, so that when my single friends and I play Sex And The City I get to say "I'M CARRIE, I'M CARRIE!" Seriously, when the film came out last summer I was out having drinks with a group of ladies and everyone was declaring herself a "Miranda" or "Charlotte" or whomever. The whole thing reminded me of playing "Little House on the Prairie" when I was younger and fighting over who got to be Laura Ingalls.
Speaking of Sex And The City, I want to see the bootleg episodes where Carrie and Samantha talk about how Miranda's gotten so boring since she got married and had that kid, and Charlotte and Miranda talk about how Samantha is such a cougar slut and she really needs to act her age. I really want to see the one where Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha sue Carrie for everything she has for exploiting their sex lives for monetary gain. Talk about divulging your girlfriend's secrets. She didn't even use false names!!!! Sisters, this petty back biting does us more harm than any chauvinist article in Maxim or titty flashing on Howard Stern. Every woman I know has done this at least once. Hell, I do it. I cannot lie. It is one of my New Year's goals to quit this habit. By doing that, I would do more to advance the quality of female life than I could by writing the next Feminine Mystique.
Are single women happy individualists? Neurotic man-unters? Crazed cat ladies? Are they confused or content? Bitter or better off?"
That depends on the woman and depends on the day.
Due to financial difficulties my phone is temporarily disconnected. This is not a huge problem, my service will be back on after I get paid next Tuesday. I actually enjoy this time completely to myself. I am broke anyway, so I don't have to worry about last minute invitations to place where I cannot afford to go.
What if something happens? What if this is the one time that soemthing happens ay my job that needs my specific attention or a family emergency takes place and my sisters cannot reach me? What will I do?
Last night, I went to see some late night comedy, got drunk and didn't get home till 3:00am. I woke up at 9:56am today with a raging hangover. I had every intention of attending the 11:00am mass at St. Ita's Catholic Church. My friend Erica G crashed at my house, but she went home early enough in the morning for me to go. I was up and excited about going to church.
I have attended mass every Sunday this year, and noticed positive changes in my life. These changes may be invisible to my common acquaintences, for they are slight. I feel it's like one would when they lose those first five pounds on a weight loss regimen. I feel a bit more centered and more comfirtable in my own skin. However, I know there is a long way to go before I accomplish the goals I have set aside for myself. To make a short story long, my head was raging and I knew I'd just sit at the 11:00am mass and feel miserable, but I didn't want to miss church altogether. so I decided to attend the 12:30pm Spanish mass. It would be fun, like a field trip I might learn some new Spanish vocabulary or even meet a nice Catholilc Latino. OK, I know this is not what one whould think about in church, but I might as well admit to the fleeting thought. God knows about it anyway. How difficult could this be? They have little booklets in the pews with that Sunday's readings and gospel. I could just say the prayers in English when that time came. After all, when my dad was younger, Mass was always done is Latin.
Catholicism is universal, right? The appeal of the Catholic Church is that you can attend Mass in Hemingford, NE, Chicago, IL or Rome, Italy, Mass is Mass. This is not necessarily true. My Spanish mass experience was completely different than my usual mass enperience. First of all the music was more upbeat. Although I love the traditional songs and the beautiful pipe organ music, I liked the piano and guitar music that was playing this afternoon. The songs put me in a more joyful mood. The parishoners in general seemed to be in a more joyful mood than they are at the usual masses I attended. Maybe this is because Spanish mass is at 12:30pm, and they had more time to sleep in. How do you explain the fact that the priest appeared to be happier? He was the same priest that I usually see at mass, but his sermon seemed so much more passionate than usual. Maybe he seemed more passionate because I was trying harder to understand him. Now, I honestly couldn't tell you what he was talking about. Occasionally, a Spanish word I know would stand out I might suddenly hear the word corazon or Jesus, or casa or Simon. I used this to try to piece the sermon together and understand it. After mass, I grabbed a bullitain and found out the theme of today's mass was "Praise the Lord, who heals the brokenhearted." I guess my conclusions about the sermon weren't too far off. Next time I attend Spanish mass, I must remember to grab the bullitain before church starts.
